


it was a cold night, so i got a fire going

by Cartecka



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Highschool AU, PREATH - Freeform, USWNT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-05-31 11:38:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6468760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cartecka/pseuds/Cartecka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the moment she sees her, Christen Press is drawn to the new girl. The more she learns about her, the more she's helpless to fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You see her on her first day and she sticks out like a sore thumb, partially because there are never new students here in your small suburban town and, partially because she seems to float through the crowd in the hallways without being touched unlike everyone else who is jostled and shoved unceremoniously as they try to get to class.

She looks a little lost, unsure of where her next class is, but she seems comfortable and unworried as she turns to the person closest to her and, showing him her schedule, asks for directions. He says something, pointing in your direction, and she smiles easily and widely as thanks and you’re pretty sure the guy is about to faint. You think you might faint.

But then she’s coming your way and she stops in front of you, her eyebrows raised expectantly. You wonder what she could possibly want from you for half a second before you realize that you’re standing in the doorway for the class she probably needs to enter. You blush and apologize and practically stumble backwards until you’re out of her way. She smiles at you and then passes by and takes a seat at the back of the class. You’re frozen for a second, watching her and the way she moves so fluidly, so comfortable in her own body.

The teacher clapping everyone to attention brings you back into yourself and you make your way to your seat at the front of the class. It’s a good thing this is the first day and you’re just going over basic material because you can’t stop thinking about her sitting behind you. You turn every so often and see her twirling her pencil around her finger and staring at the ceiling. She seems to not be paying attention to anything in particular.

The class passes more quickly than you want it to and, before you know it, the bell is ringing and she is gathering up her bag. She maneuvers her way out of the room smoothly and carefully, somehow getting out before you, even though she was at the back. You follow her and start making your way to your next class. You can’t hide the disappointment you feel when she turns off before you into another class.

* * *

 

You don’t think you’re surprised when she shows up at the soccer fields after class, outfitted in the same training gear as you. You hadn’t been expecting it but when you think back to how steady she is on her feet and how clearly athletic her physique is, you realize that maybe you should have. Coach Ellis has you all do introductions.

“Hi, I’m Tobin Heath. Midfielder,” she says with another easy smile that makes your heart skip a beat.

You’ve built her up in your mind, and she doesn’t let you down. She’s quite possibly the most technically skilled player you’ve ever seen. She moves like she was born with a ball at her feet, like it's an extension of her body.

She plays in a way you’ve never seen anyone play before. You thought you loved soccer but it's nothing compared to how she loves it. She plays with a passion, like losing soccer would be losing her life and like she owes everything about who she is to the sport. You have fun too, when you play, but not like this. Her touches on the ball are playful, she dances with it and with the other players. You’d think she wasn’t taking it seriously if she wasn’t clearly pouring her soul into it.

When you scrimmage, she’s on your team and it feels right somehow. You’ve never played with her before, but you think you understand her and she seems to understand you because five minutes in, you make a run and she doesn’t think twice as she slots the ball through to you. So maybe you don’t score that time because Hope isn't that easy to beat. But ten minutes later she does it again, like she’s reading your mind and this time, your shot is perfect and into the corner. Hope didn’t stand a chance. You turn to find Tobin and she gives you a huge grin and a thumbs up. Suddenly, scoring is about more than just winning. You need her to smile like that again.

* * *

You think, as time passes, maybe you’ll find her less exciting and your heart won’t speed up when you see her. It doesn’t happen. Day after day, she sits at the back of your English class, never seeming to pay attention and day after day you see her at practice. She smiles at you in the halls because you are her teammate but you always hope that maybe she smiles at you, because you are you.

You aren’t friends really. You never spend time together outside of practice and during practice you’re too shy to really engage. Your teammates don’t have that issue and Alex and Kelley seem to have somewhat adopted her. You find yourself suddenly wishing that you had worked harder to be their friend because then maybe you could be hanging out with her too.

* * *

She stumbles into your first period English class with none of the grace that she usually does. It's been raining and she's soaked. She looks a mess and when she sits in her usual seat she lays her head on her desk and doesn't look back up. The teacher doesn’t call her out on it, having given up on getting Tobin’s attention about a week into classes. As long as Tobin doesn’t distract other students, she can't bring herself to care.

You glance back at the other girl often this class, but she doesn’t move at all. The bell rings and everyone starts to head out, but for the first time all semester Tobin doesn’t make it out before you. You turn to see that she hasn’t even moved. You look around to see if anyone else cares at all, but the room is empty except for you and the teacher who seems more preoccupied with getting her papers in her bag.

You cautiously make your way to the back of the room and gently place your hand on her arm. She jerks a little and sits up, eyes wide.

“Class is over,” you mutter. She nods mutely. Normally she would have smiled, but her expression is drawn and her eyes are glazed over. She doesn’t quite seem to be seeing you.

“You alright?” you ask. She nods again and tries to stand but almost immediately falls back. You catch her arm and help ease her back into her seat. Her eyes are unfocused and you’re pretty sure she almost just passed out from standing. You brush a strand of hair out of her face and your fingers brush against her skin. It’s far too warm. You place your hand more fully against her forehead. She makes a sound of protest but doesn’t seem to have the energy to actually argue.

“You have a fever.”

She shrugs, like it’s not a big deal that she feels like an open flame.

“You shouldn’t be here. You should be at home,” you continue. “Can I call your parents for you?”

She shakes her head.

“Please let me take you to the nurse’s office.”

She closes her eyes as if even that simple request might be too much, but eventually nods. You help her stand slowly and she sways slightly but keeps her feet under her. You walk next to her, as close as you feel comfortable. You worry that she'll pass out but she stays on her feet and makes it all the way to the nurse’s office on her own.

The nurse takes one look at Tobin and ushers her to a bed to lie down. She asks her a bunch of questions about how she's feeling, how long she's felt like this. You stand quietly in the corner. Normally, missing class would worry you, but right now Calculus seems entirely pointless when Tobin seems to be struggling to remember her own name.

“Can I call you parents for you?” Nurse Scott asks.

“Don't bother,” Tobin mumbles. “They won't come.”

You look at her and wonder what she means by it. Maybe they were busy or out of town, though something in the way Tobin had said it, makes you think that they never come.

“Is there anyone I can call?”

“Can I just sleep here for a bit and then I'll go home?”

Nurse Scott seems to want to argue but eventually nods and the minute she does, Tobin’s head falls to the side as she slips into sleep. Nurse Scott turns to you.

“Do you know anyone I can call?”

You shake your head. You tell her that she's just a teammate and you don't know much about her outside of soccer. The nurse nods. She says she needs your name to write you a note and you realize with a start that you can't stay with her. You'd known that, rationally, but part of you had hoped that since you brought her in you'd get to stay. You give the nurse your name and then your phone number.

“She's a teammate. I care. Can you call me if she needs something?”

The nurse seems skeptical but eventually agrees.

* * *

 

You hadn't really expected a call, to be honest. You were fairly certain that it would break some sort of protocol, so when your phone rings while you're on your way to practice, you don't dare hope until you pick up.

“Hello?”

Nurse Scott tells you that Tobin is still there, asleep. Her fever has gone down a little but she hasn't gone home yet. She's tried calling her parents but they hadn't picked up.

You tell her you'll be there in ten minutes. You go to practice and tell your coach what's going on. Coach Ellis is tough and demanding but she cares about her players and so she gives you permission to check up on her on the condition that you do extra work on your own time later. You agree, knowing that the trade is worth it.

When you make it to the nurse’s office, Nurse Scott has woken Tobin up and is getting her out of bed. You stand off to the side unsure of what your role is. Finally, Nurse Scott lets Tobin go and you walk out with her.

“How are you feeling?”

It's the only thing you can think to say though it's the least pressing of all of the questions you want to ask. Why didn't your parents pick up? Why didn't you go home? Why did you come to school in the first place?

Tobin shrugs and you understand that this is the only honest answer she's willing to give.

“Are you going to go home?”

She nods but only after a second of hesitation.

“Coach gave me the day off practice,” you say, “do you need a ride anywhere?”

She looks exhausted as she nods faintly. You offer her your umbrella as you walk to your car. She tries to decline but with her fever, you won't hear it. She takes it, gripping it like a lifeline until you get to your car. It's a nice car, but you always hated it a little for what it really was, an apology present from your always absent father. Tobin slides in carefully, like she's trying to touch it as little as possible. You slide in less carefully and you drip water on the seat and the floor. You don't really care.

“Where to?” you ask.

Tobin looks at her hands but doesn't respond.

“Tobin?”

“Yeah, um, can you take me to the mall?”

“The mall?” you ask. Tobin should be going home, to bed.

“Yeah.”

“You should be going home.”

Tobin looks down at her hands again.

“Can you not go home?” you ask.

She doesn't answer.

You start the car and pull out of the parking lot. Tobin is looking at you intently and you can't tell what she's thinking. You focus your attention on the road.

When you drive past the mall, Tobin tells you, and you tell her that you know. She asks you where you're taking her. You don't answer. Part of you thinks that if you tell her you're taking her to your house she will get out of the car right then and there.

When you pull up and press the button to open your garage, you catch sight of Tobin’s face. Her jaw has dropped slightly and her eyes are wide. She hasn’t said anything but you can’t stop the blush from spreading across your cheeks. You know what this reaction means. You’ve seen it before.

You park the car in the garage and close the door behind you. You try not to notice how Tobin eyes the two other cars already parked there, each even nicer than your own. She turns to you with something, somewhat akin to fear in her eyes. She’s intimidated.

Your family is wealthy. You know this. Your grandfather had started a company that your father now owns and has done incredibly well with. You don’t know the details but you’re fairly certain that the company helps manufacture parts for cell phones and computers. It’s one of those companies that no one knows about, but that virtually everyone has a piece of in their homes. You try not to think about that.

“Come on,” you say. “You can go home later. I’m not just going to drop you at the mall, if there’s no one there for you.”

You lead her into the house and up the stairs into your bedroom. It’s a much more manageable space for her to be in, you think. It’s smaller than the other rooms in the house and it doesn’t have the modern decor your father insisted on that makes you feel like you’re living in an office building rather than a home. Your room is softer, the walls a pale blue and the carpet a calming off-white. You like it because it looks like you’re living in the clouds. There are bookcases around the room filled to the brim and even more books scattered on the floor because you’re always in the middle of at least three. Your clothes have been thrown in a pile in the corner and you’d apologize except as Tobin looks around at the disorder, she seems to calm down.

You open one of your drawers and pick out a soft t-shirt and a pair of comfortable shorts. You put them in Tobin’s hands and tell her to go take a shower and put them on. She tiptoes into the bathroom and quietly shuts the door behind her. A few seconds later, the water starts to run. Once you're sure she's set, you take the opportunity to quickly shower in the guest room’s bathroom as well because your hair is frizzy and you feel sticky with rainwater. You make it back before Tobin gets out. Eventually she comes out, hair damp but looking remarkably cleaner and more put together than she had all day.

She's holding her clothes as far away from her body as possible.

"Do you want me to throw your clothes in the washing machine?" you ask as casually as you can. She looks for a second like she's going to refuse but then nods slowly.

"How about you get in bed? I'll grab you some ibuprofen to help your fever."

Once again, she looks like she's going to refuse but she also looks like she's going to fall asleep where she's standing and when you pull the sheets away she crawls in and curls up in a ball in the corner, trying to make herself as small as possible. You take her clothes and put them in the laundry machine and grab some ibuprofen from the box of medicine you keep in the closet in the hall. By the time you've returned, she's fast asleep. You put the ibuprofen and a glass of water on the nightstand and then you don't know what to do with yourself. Part of yourself wants to curl up next to her and sleep. Part of you just want to watch her and take in the way her nose scrunches a little, the way her long fingers twitch every so often, the way her breaths have settled more into little sighs. But you can tell that she's already uncomfortable and you don't want to make it worse so you decide to pull out your books and get started on your homework.

Calculus is hard enough that you're forced to put all of your focus into it and you eventually forget that the girl that you've been watching from afar is asleep in your bed. But then she starts to stir and you look over to see herself blinking herself awake. You get up and walk over to her. She eyes you and you can tell she's embarrassed and unsure of what you want from her. You place your hand on her forehead lightly. She's still a little warm but her skin doesn't burn your hand anymore. You tell her as much and hand her the ibuprofen. She takes it and gulps it down with the water.

"Thank you."

Her voice is thick with sleep and you feel your knees go weak. You almost forget to say 'you're welcome' but you do and she smiles just a little for the first time and your whole heart soars.

"I can get out of your hair now."

She gets out of the bed and grabs her clothes, changing quickly. You start to panic. You don't want her to leave. The house is big and lonely.

"Do you want dinner?"

She looks at you.

"I don't want to intrude. Your parents probably will be home soon and-"

"They won't," you stop her. "Please have dinner with me."

She nods and you feel like you've won the damn lottery.

You drag her down to the kitchen and get to work. She watches you.

"I didn't know you could cook."

You blush. You don't tell her that you learned when you eleven because you got tired of easy mac and calling in the pizza guy.

"Thank you,” she says out of the blue. You look at her and you see more gratitude in her face than you expect to. You realize that this wasn’t a big deal for you, but it might have been for her.

"It's no big deal. Anything for a teammate."

She smiles wide this time and you almost sigh. But you catch yourself because you can't let her know that this wasn't just a random act of kindness. She can't know that you've been drawn to her from day one.

Once Tobin eats, her energy seems to come back a bit and she's laughing and smiling and joking with you like you've been friends for years. You talk about soccer and she reminds you of just how smart she is when it comes to the sport. When you've finished eating, you reach across the table and press your hand against her forehead. Her fever seems mostly gone. You tell her she can stay the night of she likes but you know she'll decline before you've even finished the sentence.

"If you could just drop me off somewhere, that'd be fine."

You nod and as soon as you've put the dishes away, you both get in the car. She gives you directions to an apartment building. It's not the fanciest place, mostly housing college students but you don't judge.

"I... Thank you, again."

"You're welcome."

She reaches over and squeezes your hand and then she's gone and you're just left with a tingling hand.

* * *

 

Tobin is back at school the next day, looking much better. She gives you a smile, like she always does but it's warmer and more open. She doesn't sit with Alex and Kelley at lunch and instead ends up at your table, where you usually try to get homework done. You're not anti-social, you just aren't pro-social. You rarely go out of your way to make new friends and spend time with people. And along with your drive to succeed and your desire to have everything organized and under your control, people take this as a message to give you space. You're not happy about it, but you're not willing to change yourself for anyone so you've gotten used to sitting alone. But you’re overjoyed when she comes over. She talks about everything except why she had to come to your house the day before, but you are laughing more than you have in months and she's smiling at you.

And then it becomes a routine. Everyday she sits with you at lunch. During practice she still hangs out mostly with Alex and Kelley and in English she still sits alone in the back of the class but at lunch she's all yours.

* * *

 

It gets colder. Winter starts to bite at your skin and you notice that some days Tobin walks into English trembling like she might never stop, but by the end of class, she’s fine and her smile is warm. You don't think much of it. It's cold out and she's never wearing enough clothing when she walks in.

It's almost Christmas break. For the first time in years you have someone to buy a present for and you want it to be perfect. So you go to the mall and spend the whole afternoon there but you can't find the right thing. You realize you don't know what Tobin wants or needs. You decide, as you leave the mall, that you'll ask her. And it's like the universe hears you because there she is, sitting on the curb just outside the mall, curled up on herself, shivering violently. It's threatening to snow and she's wearing just her sweatshirt and jeans. You pull the car up to where she's sitting.

"Get in," you shout through the open window. She looks up startled and then looks over her shoulders as if there were someone else you could be talking to.

"Come on."

She does. You crank the heat in the car until you're sweating but she's still shaking. You wonder how long she'd been sitting out there. You don't say anything. You still don't know how to ask the questions you want answered. When you get home, you lead her up to your room immediately and throw her your warmest pajamas. Her hands are so cold that she struggles to take her clothes off. You look away, out the window to where snow has started to fall in little flurries, to give her privacy. As soon as she's changed you push her gently to the bed. She's still shivering so hard you are amazed that she can even stand. You get her under the covers and you pause. You know that the best next step is for you to get in with her because her body won't be able to produce enough heat to warm her quickly.

"Can I..." you blush. "You would be warmer if I got in."

She nods almost immediately and you climb in next to her and hold your arms open so that she can curl up into your side. Her hands and feet are like ice and the rest of her body doesn't seem to be faring much better. You hold her as close as you can and she burrows into the warmth of your side. Eventually, the shivering slows and eventually stops and you look at her to see that she had fallen asleep. You're unsure of what else to do, so you close your eyes and let yourself slip away as well.

* * *

 

You wake up again later and decide to order pizza. She looks at you every so often and you're pretty sure she thinks you're going to ask her to leave. The thought doesn't cross your mind for a second.

"Why were you outside? You were freezing. Why didn't you go home?"

You ask too suddenly and too quickly. She blushes hard and hangs her head. She's ashamed. You don't say anything, giving her a chance to answer. Or not. She doesn't say anything for so long you wonder if you offended her and you struggle to think of something to smooth over the silence.

"I can't," she finally says.

"Can't go home?"

"I...."

She looks like she might cry or throw up and you don't particularly want either to happen. But you also want to know the answers to the questions you've had since you first brought her to your home. So you wait again, hoping that your silence tells her that she's safe.

"I'm gay."

She's never been particularly loud but you don't think she's ever said anything as quietly as she says that.

"Okay."

You don't know what else to say because there's really nothing you can say. She looks at you with guarded eyes and you offer her a smile. Slowly, she smiles back but tears are forming in her eyes.

"My parents found out and they kicked me out."

Your blood boils. 

"I usually... There's usually someone I can crash with for the night, but two of the people I usually stay with moved and the other was out of town. I’ve been spending too much time at the mall. They got suspicious and told me to leave. I didn't know where to go."

You don't know if you should say it, if it would be too forward, but she looks so small right now.

"You know you can always stay here."

You hope that your eagerness doesn't shine through.

"I don't want to get in the way."

"You won't. It's just me here usually. And I've got a lot of space."

She doesn't say anything.

"Please stay here tonight at least. It's cold out."

She nods. Despite sleeping for three hours she looks exhausted again.

You take her hand and lead her back up to your bed. You have two guests rooms she could stay in, but you don’t want her to be alone. (You don't want to be alone.)

* * *

 

She doesn't ask, and you don't offer, but somehow, after workout with the team, she ends up in your car every day for the next week. 

You love her.

It's a fact that you can no longer ignore. She's brought warmth into your life in a way you didn't think was possible. You dread the day she decides that she no longer wants or needs your help and leaves.

Christmas break finally comes and you're both spending all day at home. She still lives at your house tentatively, taking up as little space as possible. Even after two weeks, the only mark that she's living there is that she had gotten the landlord at her friend's place to let her in to pick up her suitcase. You'd asked her, in a moment of thoughtlessness, if that was all she had. She'd hung her head and nodded. You'd kicked yourself mentally.

It’s two days before Christmas when she finally asks.

"When's your family coming back?"

"My mom's dead," you say. Tobin’s eyes widen and you know the expression. She wants to apologize for asking but you don’t want her to. You stopped dancing around the issue years ago.

"My dad works a lot," you continue before she can say anything. "I think he's in Milan right now. He won't be back for a while."

Tobin looks sad for a second and you don't understand why. You're lucky. You have a really nice house and clothes and your soccer team. You'll go to a good college and won't have to worry about debt. And your father never kicked you out because you liked girls. Not that he knew, but if he had, you’re sure he wouldn't kick you out.

"It's okay. I'm used to it," you say. "Plus, you're here now so I won't be lonely."

Tobin's face splits into that grin you've come to love so much.

* * *

 

Christmas morning you wake up comfortably in Tobin's arms. It's a feeling that you've gotten too used to in the last few weeks considering Tobin still hasn't unpacked her suitcase and looks like she's just waiting for the first opportunity to leave. You feel her shifting beside you as she wakes slowly. She looks at you and groggily says good morning. You're warm and comfortable so you just lay there for a few more minutes. You can't believe that you're not alone for Christmas for the first time in years and you can't believe that it's her here in your bed with you, nuzzled against your side.

Eventually your full bladder and your empty stomach conspire against staying in bed forever and you get up.

"Come on," you say. "It's Christmas."

You make pancakes with chocolate chips, and berries and bananas on the side. Her favorite. You eat in the living room, in front of the fireplace with hot coffee and blankets. You wait impatiently for her to finish so you can give her the present you snuck out of the house two days before to buy. You know she didn't get you anything. You're pretty sure she doesn't have any money and you've been wondering how she's been eating before she came to your house. You don't expect a present but you wanted to get her something. You hand it to her casually as you pick up the plates and put them in the sink. When you get back she hasn't moved to open it at all. She's looking at you with wide eyes. You'd expected this.

"I didn't get you anything."

"Just open it."

You sit down next to her on the couch again and look at her expectantly until she carefully undoes the ribbon and rips the paper. Inside is a thick, black winter coat with a fur lined hood. It's water, wind and snow proof and it's got lots of pockets. It suits her perfectly.

"I just don't want you to ever be cold," you say, hoping that it will make her look less like she wants to run. She looks down at the coat and back up at you and then...

Oh.

She kisses you. It's so quick that you're not quite sure it happened but your lips are tingling a little and she's blushing as she pulls away.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have..."

You kiss her, mostly because you don't think you can stand to hear her say she didn't mean it. She melts under your touch and you let her kind of fall into you. You've kissed people before, maybe because you were supposed to or expected to. There was the boy who asked you out all blushing and awkward and who you kissed at the end of the night, though you knew you wouldn't be seeing him again. There was the senior last year who you'd gone to with the confession that you liked girls and who had asked if you wanted to kiss her. At the time, you'd thought the answer was yes. So she'd kissed you long and hard and you'd enjoyed it but not like this. This makes you feel like a fire is starting in your chest and slowly spreading to each of your extremities. It makes you feel like you can't breathe but also like breathing isn't that necessary anyway.

Tobin pulls away eventually and you think that maybe it's because she, like you, can't breathe right. She hovers just a few inches away from your face taking short panting breaths. You look at her, cheeks pink and half-closed eyes, and you wonder how you fell for her even more because your heart had already felt like it was at the bursting point.

"Want to watch a movie?" you ask.

"Yeah."

You decide to watch Elf because it's the only Christmas movie you can think of and, honestly, you don't think you'll be able to focus enough to actually watch. Tobin scoots closer so that your shoulders and thighs are touching. As the opening credits start to roll she places her hand on your thigh and starts drawing gentle patterns into your pajama pants. You turn your head to see that she is looking at you. You watch as she leans in and then stops. You can tell she's still not sure you actually want this. You promise her you do when you kiss her again.

* * *

 

The shift in your house in the days following Christmas is subtle but it means the world to you. Tobin moves a few of her clothes into the drawer you left open for her. She doesn’t fold the blankets that she uses when she watches movies with you in the living room. She goes into the kitchen of her own volition and eats a snack. Before she’d only eat what you gave her.

She also kisses you. A lot. You wake up to her trailing kisses along your collarbone, jaw, cheeks, and lips and you’ve never been a morning person but now you look forward to it. She stands behind you while you cook and kisses your shoulder and your neck and you’ve burned more food in the last few days than in the five years since you first started cooking. You’ve given up playing movies that you’re actually interested in because she will end up pulling you into her lap and taking your breath away.

You wonder, briefly, if this is kind of her way of repaying you. You don’t like the thought because you love her, no strings attached. But her eyes really light up when she sees you, and her hands always reach for yours subconsciously. You can’t bring yourself to believe that she’s that good an actress.

* * *

 

When you wake up on December 31st, you are alone in bed and for a second you panic. It wouldn't surprise you at all if she's finally left. But your heart stills immediately when you hear her voice in the kitchen. You get up slowly, brush your teeth and pad downstairs, still wrapped in a blanket. When she sees you walk in, she quickly hangs up and smiles at you sheepishly.

“Who was that?”

“No one.”

She replies too quickly. You raise your eyebrows but don't push her. She can't seem to stop smiling so it can't be bad. You aren't sure what comes next until she's stepping forward and pulling you into a hug.

“I know I already said this, but I need to say it again. Thank you. For being here for me, for the coat, for taking care of me while I was sick.”

“My motives were a little selfish.”

She laughs at that.

“Are you saying that you helped me just so you could get into my pants?”

You blush. Because that's a vulgar way of putting it, but it's also not entirely untrue. You'd always hoped that by helping her and having her around, she might notice you. You want to believe you would have helped her even if you hadn't felt this draw to her, but you'll never really know.

“Maybe.”

“Hmmm,” she hums into your shoulder. “It worked pretty well.”

And now you feel like you're going to catch fire with how much you’re blushing. She kisses where your neck meets your shoulder, your jaw, your cheek and then finally your lips and you love her so much it hurts. She pulls away before you're ready for her to.

“We're out of milk.”

You blink. Not exactly what you'd expected her to say at that moment.

“Uh, I can go get more.”

“Please, will you? I want hot chocolate tonight.”

“Do you want to come?”

“I want to shower.”

You nod slowly, disappointed. You'd hoped she'd say yes. You don't particularly want to go to the store alone but if she wants milk, you'll go and get it, especially since this is the first thing she’s asked for (other than a kiss) since you’ve met her. Unwillingly, you put on real clothes (jeans and a sweatshirt) and your winter coat and go out to the car. Tobin kisses you goodbye.

It takes about twenty minutes to get to be store and ten to get the milk so you're back at the house in a little under an hour. You almost drive past it. The front is decorated with a multitude of Christmas lights. Each tree has also been covered from top to bottom. There is a snowman in the yard and a wreath on the door. It's the most welcoming your house has ever looked. You go inside, staring in wonder.

“Hey Tobin, how did you…”

Your voice fades away when you see the living room. There are stockings by the fireplace, more lights and the coffee table has been moved to the side of the room and is filled with snacks and desserts. Sitting on the couch and the floor, with a multitude of blankets and pillows is most of your soccer team.

“Surprise!” they shout loudly and you aren't quite sure what to say.

“I, uh, I wanted to repay you for everything you’ve done,” Tobin whispers in your ear as she pulls you into a hug. “I wasn't sure what you wanted and I can't really buy you anything but I enlisted a little help. None of us want you to be alone.”

You still don't know what to say so instead you burst into tears and hug Tobin hard.

“These are happy tears right?”

You nod and you feel her relax.

“No more crying, happy or not,” Kelley says, “we're here for a party and we’re going to have one.”

By party, Kelley means that they're going to eat large amounts of junk food, play music and dance, attempt karaoke and end up in tears while watching Big Hero 6. You laugh more than you have in years and you feel a kind of warmth in your chest that has nothing to do with the fire. You actually get to know your teammates for the first time despite playing with them for the last two years. You didn't know that Ash and Ali were dating, though now that you know, you wonder how you didn’t notice that they’re literally always touching. You didn't know that Kelley enjoyed science and wanted to study environmental science in college. You didn't know that Hope was not actually intimidating but just bad at words and awkward at communicating. You have that in common.

“You're kinda cool, Chris,” Amy says. “You're so quiet most of the time, we didn't know you at all.”

For a second you take it as an accusation and are ready to apologize. 

“I might have to hang out with you more,” Lauren says. “I can only take so much of Kelley and Amy before I get a headache. They just won't shut up.”

And just like that, your insecurity dies. Kelley and Amy throw pillows at Cheney inciting a pillow fight that quickly dissolves into a tickle fight that quickly dissolves into the three girls gasping on the floor, Lauren triumphant. You laugh along with everyone else.

“Guys! It's almost midnight. Turn on the TV so we can watch the ball drop.”

You've never heard Carli this excited about anything. You turn on the TV and everyone's attention goes to the thousands of people crowded into Times Square. You watch as well but as the countdown starts, you feel Tobin tugging at the back of your shirt. You look at her and she beckons you to follow her. Everyone else in the room is too engrossed in the countdown to notice that she pulls you away into a corner.

“Four! Three! Two! One!”

You know they’re not cheering for you and Tobin, but you feel like they should be because this kiss is electric and powerful and a goddamn work of art. It feels like a promise and a beginning. You never want it to end, but are also far too aware of the wolf whistling and eventually the embarrassment becomes too much and you pull away laughing and blushing. She’s laughing too. She leans in, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.

“I love you.”

Your heart nearly beats out of your chest and your mind is flying so quickly that you can barely remember you’re supposed to say it back.

“I love you too.”

Her wide smile is the first thing of the new year.


	2. Tobin POV

You see her on the first day of school. 

It’s a new school, one that your parents had enrolled you in before everything had gone to hell. You’d debated not going. You could have gotten a job probably and had money, but you like learning, and the thought of not getting to play soccer makes your stomach turn. You have enough money and enough sympathetic friends to last a while. You’ll figure something out. 

When you see her, you don’t regret your decision to come to school. She’s walking alone in the hallway, one of the few people not attached to someone else as she goes from class to class. Everyone here seems to know each other, which isn’t surprising considering they’ve probably gone to the same school since elementary. But this girl is alone.

It surprises you more than it should, mostly because she’s gorgeous and in your experience pretty girls are never alone for long. Not unless they want to be. You get so distracted watching her that you forget the directions the woman in the front office had given you when you’d picked up your schedule. You look around in hopes of finding some sort of clue but your schedule just says Mrs. Hallman, English and the numbers above the doors are not particularly helpful.

You turn to the guy nearest to you and ask him. He smiles politely and points you in the direction of the classroom.

“It’s confusing if you’re new,” he says and you smile at him, because he’s nice and you’re relieved that he doesn’t seem to think you’re stupid.

When you go to enter the classroom, she’s standing in the doorway, staring at you. A lot of people have been staring at you because you’re new, so you don’t let it get to you. Or you try not to but her eyes are so green and they seem to see right through you.

She doesn’t move by the time you get to the door and you’re afraid to say something because those green eyes are still on you and words have suddenly become very difficult. It doesn’t matter though because before you can say anything, she’s apologizing and getting out of your way and it’s the first time you see her blush. It’s ridiculous but you feel yourself blushing in response even though you’ve done nothing wrong and you turn away before she can see it.

English is your least favorite subject so you quickly make your way to the back of the class so you don’t have to pay attention. She sits at the front, just in your line of sight so you can see the little curls at the nape of her neck under her bun and the slant of her neck as she leans down and writes. It also gives you ample time to look away when she looks up.

You feel like an idiot twirling your pencil in your fingers and looking up at the ceiling but it’s better than being caught staring you think. 

* * *

She’s at soccer practice. Once again, the only girl on the team not paired off with someone. You want to go and sit next to her as she laces up her cleats but before you can, you’re intercepted by a strikingly gorgeous taller girl and a much smaller girl covered in freckles. 

“You’re the new kid, yeah? Heard we were getting someone good,” freckles says.

You’re not quite sure how to respond.

“Oh, leave her alone Kelley. Jeez.”

The taller girl introduces herself as Alex and she seems ridiculously nice. She offers to show you around whenever you want and though you’ve only known each other for three minutes says that you should totally hang out.

It’s easy to be friends with them. They’re loud but in a way that makes you feel included not overwhelmed and they don’t ask you any personal questions which is nice because you don’t want to lie to them. They like to have fun but they don’t seem shallow and you like them immediately.

Introductions are weird because you can tell that it’s completely for your benefit. Everyone here already knows each other. They go through names too quickly and you only remember hers. Christen Press. She blushes when she says it and glances at you and something flutters in your chest.

The first thing you notice is that she’s fast. It’s easy to see when you’re all doing sprints and the only person who can even somewhat keep up with her is Alex. It’s only later, during the game when the goalkeeper has to make a diving save to keep the ball you sent her out of the net that you realize she’s got a killer shot as well. The next time you see her open, you don’t hesitate to send her a ball. Her placement is perfect and the keeper doesn’t stand a chance.

She turns to you immediately with a smile that has you almost tripping over your own feet. Instead you manage to give her a thumbs up, but you feel dumb doing it almost immediately. She doesn’t seem to mind and just smiles wider.

* * *

It’s harder than you expected it to be. Abby and Heather are good to you, letting you crash on their couch and eat their food. You’d played with them in youth leagues growing up and Abby was the first person you went to when everything fell apart. But sometimes having a kid in your apartment is not ideal when you’re on a college budget so you always try to find other places to stay.

Shannon is one of the mothers at the church you go to and when you really have nowhere else to go she’ll let you sleep on the floor of Zoe’s nursery but her house is small and you know she struggles just as much as you do so you try not to go to her unless it’s an emergency.

On nights when neither of them can take you, you usually find somewhere to stay. A university library that’s open for all-nighters or a 24-hour diner sometimes. Occasionally, you’ll make friends with the guys down at the gas station and play cards with them until their shift ends. These nights are always the worst because you can’t really sleep but it’s better than being out in the cold.

And it is starting to get cold. Not freezing, but cold enough that you have to pull your sweatshirt tighter around your shoulders and stuff your hands deep into your pockets whenever you go outside. The mornings when you have to get to school are the worst, but the classrooms are warm and Christen’s smile is warmer and you forget about winter for a bit.

* * *

One night, you can’t find anywhere to stay and it’s raining. Abby and Heather have an away game and aren't home and Zoe is sick, meaning that Shannon really can’t deal with having you around. The library at the school has started asking for student ID’s and you don’t have one and many of the diner owners are starting to get suspicious. You end up darting from awning to awning, hoping for some cover and eventually you find it, curled up in a little divot in front of a fancy building.

It won’t be long before someone chases you away but for now you’re warm. You drift in and out of sleep and when the sun starts to rise, you’re surprised that you haven’t been yelled at yet. You’re dripping wet though and shivering and your feet feel like stones. You wonder if you should go to school at all, but it’s still raining and that’s the only place you can think of that they won’t kick you out.

Even Christen’s smile doesn’t warm you this morning and you’re so tired that as soon as your head hits the desk, you’re asleep. It feels like only seconds later that a hand is startling you awake. You look up to see Christen and she looks kind of like an angel right now. Soft and pretty and so concerned for you. You wonder if you died but Christen tells you that you have a fever and you realize that you’re probably just delirious.

You don’t want to go to the nurse’s office. They always ask too many questions and you don’t have answers. But you can’t stand to have Christen look so upset with you so you let her guide you there. The beds look so comfy and you immediately wonder why you didn’t come here first thing. You remember why when Nurse Scott starts asking questions that you can't answer. You manage to fend her off and the moment your head hits the pillow you fall asleep.

* * *

You should have known Christen wouldn’t take you home when you asked. She came to the nurse’s office at the end of the day when the nurse gave up trying to reach your parents and she’d given you a smile and her umbrella and you should have known there was no way she would leave you at the mall.

Christen’s house is without a doubt the biggest house you’ve ever been in. It’s so different than how your house had been that you feel like you’ve stepped into a completely different dimension. Everything is clean and neat. Dark leather and chrome. Sharp angles and solid shapes. You’re aware that you’re probably not thinking straight but you feel like everything has become 2-dimensional.

Christen takes you to her room and color and shapes start to make sense again. Christen doesn’t pause as she goes to her drawers, but you do, taking in everything around you. Unlike the rest of the house, Christen’s room looks lived in. Comfortably lived in. You can easily imagine Christen hunched over the desk in the corner doing homework or curled up on the bed with a book.

Christen gives you clothes and a gentle shove towards the shower. You lock the door behind you and for the first time in a while actually take your time. After hearing Abby and Heather bicker about the water bill at their house, you felt bad whenever you have to take a shower, but right now, you’re tired and your muscles ache and you feel like the rain has soaked itself entirely through your skin into your bones. So you shower until you’re warm again and until the heat of the water makes your head spin. You step out and put on Christen’s clean clothes and though you still have a headache and you still hurt all over, you feel like a new person.

You step out into Christen’s room and Christen is freshly showered and sitting on her bed as if waiting for you. She offers to wash your clothes for you. She offers you her bed and she offers you medicine. It all feels like too much and you want to say no. But she looks so earnest and her bed looks so warm and you just want to sleep forever so the next thing you know, Christen is tucking you in and you’re asleep before you can say thank you.

But, you do remember to say thank you when you wake up just before you remember that this isn’t your home and you can’t stay here forever. You are out of bed in an instant. This is wrong. This is not your home and Christen shouldn’t have to deal with you. It’s only once you’re fully changed back into your clothes that you turn to see the mild panic in Christen’s eyes.

You try to say no when she offers dinner but you’re honestly too hungry and you’re not sure where your next meal will come from. Also, Christen is practically begging and it’s enough to not make you feel bad.  

Christen is normally quiet but you find that when you get her alone, she’s quite talkative and you love it. She’s smart but understatedly so, in a way that doesn’t make you feel dumb like sometimes very smart people do. She laughs at your silly jokes and since her smile makes you feel warm and tingly inside, you make it your goal to get her to laugh as many times as possible.

Dinner ends and you don’t want to leave, but you also don’t want to stay. This isn’t your home so when Christen offers you a place to say you decline. She drives you to Abby and Heather’s place and you haven’t called to ask if you can stay but you’d rather spend another night in the rain than impose on Christen for a second longer than you have to.

* * *

It’s very easy to fall for Christen once you actually start spending time with her. You see her alone at lunch, as she always is, and it makes your heart clench. She looks up at you when you sit across from her and her expression is one of pure surprise. You wonder if you crossed a line for the split second that it takes for that smile of hers to spread across her face.

You never want to be without her, but you curb yourself. You aren’t looking to overwhelm or annoy her. You make a rule that you will only approach her at lunch. In class and at practice, you will continue with your normal routine unless she approaches you. You’re afraid of seeming too clingy. You’re especially afraid that she’ll think you only want to be friends with her since she let you stay at her house. You don’t want either of those things to happen.

But you like her too much to stay away entirely, so at lunch you’re all hers.

* * *

Abby and Heather leave for Christmas break two weeks before yours starts and since they are both going abroad in the spring, their apartment gets leased out to someone else.

You spend as many nights as you can at Shannon’s place, helping with Zoe and doing the dishes and laundry. It’s not much and it’s certainly not enough to repay her but it’s something. Still, it’s cold out and the walk from her house to school is enough to leave you shivering, but school is warm and you still get to play soccer which is more than worth it. Getting to play warms more than just your bones. It makes you feel alive in ways that it’s easy to forget about when you can’t always find a place to stay at night.

Then, Shannon’s mother gets sick. She’s old and her constitution fragile as is. The cold weather does nothing to help and Shannon has to leave town to go take care of her. And just like that, the fragile promise of a place to stay now that winter is biting at your heels, is broken. You go to the mall after practice because a teenager milling around won’t garner too much suspicion and it stays open until nine.

But you’ve been there one too many times it seems. The moment you walk in, one of the security guards is tailing you and you try to look as unsuspicious as possible. It doesn’t work. After you mill around without even trying to buy anything for half an hour, one of the guards approaches you.

“What are you up to young lady?”

“N-nothing,” you stutter out and you know that it’s unconvincing even before the guard frowns.

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

You open your mouth to argue, to beg but you don’t know what to say and the guard grabs your arm to lead you out. He’s gentle enough but it feels like a death sentence.

* * *

After twenty minutes of sitting outside of the mall, trying to figure out where to go, you’re pretty sure it might actually be a death sentence. Most of the places nearby, know you. They know that they don’t want you. The only place you can think to go is the church, but there won’t be anyone there at this hour and the idea of breaking into a church is appalling. The longer you are curled up there, the more you wonder if God would forgive you as long as you did it to stay alive.

A car pulls up to the curb in front of you and for a second all the stories you hear about strange men on the street grabbing teenage girls flash in front of your eyes. You’re about to get up and run when the window rolls down and her voice stops you.

“Get in.”

At this point, you know Christen’s voice better than your own but you can’t quite believe she’s actually there. Maybe she is your own personal angel because she always seems to find you when you need it most.

When you get in the car, you see Christen turn the heat all the way up and you feel the warm air on your cheeks but you don’t feel warmer. You can’t feel much of anything really and you can’t stop your teeth from chattering.

Christen’s house looks warm and the pajamas she gives you look even warmer and softer but all you can feel is cold. It feels like it’s inside of your veins and your bones and you wonder if you’ll ever feel warm again. Christen guides you to her bed and you fall under the covers trembling. Christen isn’t trembling. Her cheeks are pink and her skin looks soft and when she offers to get in bed with you, to keep you warm, you let her even though you feel like you shouldn’t.

You feel guilty because she tenses when you press your toes into her legs but instead of moving away, she pulls you closer into her side. Every time you shiver, her fingers tighten around your waist. Slowly feeling returns into your body and it burns and it hurts but you know that it’s a good sign so you let it and you relish in being able to feel again.

Slowly the burning fades and as it does so do you, succumbing to sleep with Christen’s arms around you.

* * *

You wake up in Christen’s arms and it feels dangerous how safe and comfortable you feel. This isn’t something you can get used to. But she orders pizza before you can say no and honestly, you’re afraid you’ll freeze to death if you leave and as much as you don’t want to impose, you want to die even less.

You wait for her to tell you that it’s time for you to go. Tell you that her kindness has reached its limits and that she can’t afford to have you around anymore. Instead, she asks you the only thing you were dreading more.

“Why were you outside? You were freezing. Why didn’t you go home?”

You blush and hang your head. You wonder what she’ll think of you, knowing that you’re homeless, knowing that you were such an embarrassment to your parents that they couldn’t stand you have you around. You can’t look her in the eyes as you answer because she’s smart, and gorgeous and kind and perfect and you are not.

But you owe her an answer at least. It’s the only thing you can give her.

“I can’t…”

It’s so hard. It’s so hard to find the words to say. It had been easier with Abby, Heather and Shannon. But you want to be perfect for Christen. And if you can’t be perfect, you want her to believe that you might be.

“Can’t go home?” she asks and you can tell she doesn’t really understand. You have to explain and to explain you have to tell her. You don’t want to tell her. She looks at you and her eyes are green and imploring and you realize that you don’t have a choice.

“I…. I’m gay.”

If Christen is surprised, she doesn’t look it. Instead, her entire expression softens and you find yourself falling into her eyes and the soft smile she gives you.

“Okay.”

It’s all she says and you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. You expect her to tell you that she doesn’t want you around anymore. You expect her to remember how you shared a bed and decide that she never wants to see you again. But she doesn’t say anything. When you look at her, she just smiles. You hope the smile you give her shows just how grateful you are.

“My parents found out and they kicked me out.”

You say it out loud even though you’re pretty sure she’s already figured it out. The expression on her face takes you by surprise though. Because the soft gentle smile that had been there melts into barely contained anger. It’s an expression you’ve never seen on her face before but it makes her eyes flash and her lips thin into a sharp line. You stammer to explain that you’ve been okay. You try to explain that it’s not ideal but it’s okay. Her expression doesn’t change until you finish talking.

“I usually... There's usually someone I can crash with for the night, but two of the people I usually stay with moved and the other was out of town. I’ve been spending too much time at the mall. They got suspicious and told me to leave. I didn’t know where to go.”

“You know you can always stay here.”

And you do know that but you can’t quite believe it.

“I don’t want to get in the way.”

“You won’t. It’s just me here usually. And I’ve got a lot of space.”

You’re pretty sure that even Christen isn’t aware of the gentle bite in her tone as she says that. You wonder at it. It’s late. Late enough that her parents should be home, but now that you think about it, it seems that the only sign of life in this house is Christen’s room. You’ve never heard her mention either of her parents in the time that you’ve been friends.

Still, this isn’t your house. You don’t want to be a burden. You can figure something out. You always do.

Before you can tell her as much she says, “Please stay here tonight at least. It’s cold out.”

Remembering the cold makes your head swim and you know that you can’t go back out there tonight. You nod and Christen smiles. She offers you her hand and you feel a little bit like a child when she leads you up to her room, but when you fall asleep in her arms you can’t bring yourself to care.

* * *

The next day, she drives you to school and says goodbye after English. You spend the rest of the day staring out the window and thinking about how cold it is. A thin coat of snow coats the ground and there’s a promise of more later and you can’t bring yourself to ask to stay at her house again but you’re afraid of what will happen if you don’t.

Turns out you don’t have to ask. Christen lets you follow her to her car and opens the trunk for your bag and training gear. She doesn’t ask you if you need a ride anywhere like she did when you had a fever. Instead she asks if you want to go pick up some of your stuff somewhere. You can’t believe that this is actually happening to you but you say yes. 

Using Christen’s phone, you call Shannon and Shannon calls her landlord and he eyes you as you grab your things. Christen makes small talk with him though, and her expensive car and elegant purse seem to put him at ease.

You get to know Christen’s house pretty well. Her father’s room is at the end of the hall on the second floor and seems to be sequestered away from the rest of the house. There are two other bedrooms that don’t seem to belong to anyone. You think one of them must be a guestroom but if it is, you can’t figure out why Christen is letting you sleep in her bed. Not that you mind because you’ve never slept better and the thought of sleeping without her makes you shudder.

When Christmas break finally comes, you start to get more and more worried. Christen’s family hasn’t been around at all and you wonder why. But you can’t imagine that they won’t come home for Christmas and you’re afraid of what happens if they do. You hold off asking for as long as you can because you’re afraid of the answer. But Christmas keeps approaching and she hasn’t said anything about her parents coming back and your fear of getting kicked out morphs into curiosity.

“When’s your family coming back?”

“My mom’s dead.”

She says it with no hesitation as if she knew the question was coming and prepared for it. It’s almost cavalier the way she mentions it but you know her well enough to know that she must care. 

“My dad works a lot,” she continues and even she can’t hide how much it bothers her. “I think he’s in Milan right now. He won’t be back for a while.”

You realize that the two of you aren’t that different at the end of the day. You’re both alone, both abandoned by your parents in different ways. You at least had friends to keep you going. You wonder what keeps her going.

“It’s okay,” she says. “I’m used to it.”

You know she says it to make you feel better but it only makes it hurt more.

“Plus, you’re here now so I won’t be lonely.”

And this makes you smile. If you can repay her in any way by just making her less lonely then you will do it all day every day. Not that it really feels like repayment because you would do that anyway. You love her and all you want is for her to be happy.

* * *

Christmas is so different at Christen’s house. She doesn’t go to church and there is no tree or decorations. Instead, Christen doesn’t worry about getting nicely dressed and pulls on a sweatshirt over her PJs and makes you your favorite breakfast. You don’t eat in the kitchen but instead in front of the fire in the living room that you were surprised Christen knew how to light. It’s warm and safe and while it’s not the Christmas you’re used to, it instills the same warm and happy feeling in your bones so you don’t care.

You hadn’t expected Christen to get you a gift. You figured she would understand that just letting you stay here was enough of a gift so when she hands you the brightly wrapped package you aren’t quite sure how to react. When you look up at her, she just has that gentle smile on her face as if she understands why your heart rate has sped up.

“I didn’t get you anything,” you say and you feel guilty because if anyone here deserves a present it's her. Not you. You haven’t done anything.

“Just open it,” she says gently and you know it would be rude not to. But you have every intention of finding a way to return it without hurting her feelings because you don’t deserve this at all.

It’s a coat. The most beautiful coat you’ve ever seen. It’s the kind of coat you dreamt about on the coldest nights and suddenly you’re overwhelmed.

“I just don’t want you to ever be cold,” she says.

Your heart stops for a second and then restarts double time. There’s this feeling in your chest. It’s heavy and solid but in a way that’s comforting rather than painful and it pulls you forward until your lips are pressed against Christen’s almost without your permission. As soon as you realize what you’ve done, you pull away. This was what you wanted to avoid. Christen had been so good to you and you had to ruin it.

“I’m sorry.” You’re already trying to figure out where you’ll stay when she kicks you out. “I’m really sorry.” Or maybe you should just freeze to death for forcing yourself on this beautiful girl who deserves so much better. “I shouldn’t have…”

You can’t talk anymore and it takes you a second to realize that it’s because Christen is kissing you. She’s kissing you as if she actually wants to and for the first time in months you let yourself hope. You kiss her back and the heavy warmth that had settled in your chest breaks apart and flows until it’s in every single one of your limbs. You can feel your fingertips and toes tingling and the hairs on the back of your neck standing up. This might be the best you’ve ever felt in your life and you can’t believe that this gorgeous girl is not only letting you kiss her but is also kissing you right back.

You pull away when it becomes too much, but not far. Christen seems to be fighting a smile. The corners of her lips keep twitching up and then back down as if she’s trying to stop herself but can’t quite. That, more than the kiss itself, puts you at ease. You could just stare at her forever.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” she asks.

“Yeah.”

The question only registers after you answer. But you would have said yes to anything she wanted at that moment. You watch her move and you feel a little like you’re underwater, floating. She’s the only thing you see. When she sits back down, you don’t know what movie she puts on and you still can’t believe that she kissed you. She looks over at you and smiles and you’re ready this time when she leans in to kiss you.

You still can’t believe it.

* * *

Christen lets you kiss her the next day and the day after that and they day after that. You keep your promise to yourself to make her as happy as you can and if it so happens that the best way to do that is to keep kissing her then you certainly can’t complain. She smiles every time you do and kisses you back. You think that it wouldn’t be that bad if you were kicked out now because you could keep yourself warm with just the memory.

You’ve known since you first saw her that she was beautiful and you’ve known since she first took you home and took care of you that you could fall for her.

Now that she kisses you back, there’s nothing stopping you from falling head over heels.

* * *

The idea comes out of the blue when Alex messages you on facebook asking you to hang out. Alex doesn’t know. She and Kelley both have picked up on the fact that you don’t talk about family and that you don’t have a cell phone but they haven’t asked any invasive questions. So when you wake up on New Year’s morning to the sight of Christen’s sleeping face the idea that you could make her smile warms you from head to toe. You slip out of bed quietly and borrow the house phone to call Alex.

It’s awkward because you have to explain everything that happened before finally getting to your point. But Alex is sympathetic and she’s still the best friend a girl could ask for so she lets you finish. She tells you it’s a great idea that she will totally assemble the team. All Tobin has to do is get Christen out of the house for about an hour.

You almost get caught when Christen wakes up but though she looks at you skeptically, she doesn’t press when you deny talking to anyone. She looks soft and cute in her pajamas and a blanket in the middle of the kitchen and you almost decide to call Alex back so that you can just spend the rest of the day kissing her. Instead, you pull her into a hug.

“I know I already said this, but I need to say it again. Thank you. For being here for me, for the coat, for taking care of me while I was sick.”

“My motives were a little selfish.” 

You can’t help but laugh at that. Christen isn’t often sarcastic or outright funny like that and it takes you by surprise.

“Are you saying that you helped me just so you could get into my pants?”

You don’t mean it. You know she didn’t. But she blushes just like you wanted her to and you can’t help but grin at her. 

“Maybe,” she quips back, a little halfheartedly as she tries to hide her blush.

“It worked out pretty well,” you reply and the affection that you feel for this girl makes you want to float all the way up to the sky just so you can fall for her over and over. You kiss up her neck and along her jaw until you reach her lips just because you can and because it’s the only thing that makes everything you feel for her bearable. You pull away before you can let yourself get too lost in it. If you want Christen out of the house by the time Alex gets there, you need to hurry.

“We’re out of milk.”

It’s not a lie but you’re surprised at how easy it is to get her go especially when you say you won’t go with but she agrees readily.

Almost right after she’s gone, Alex is knocking on the door with half the team in tow. The rest will be there soon in Hope’s car she promises. Tobin has no idea where Alex got all of these Christmas decorations and snacks in the short amount of time she had and she doesn’t hesitate to let Alex take over.

Kelley and Alex know how to have a party. It takes almost no time for the entire living room to be transformed. The girls are all excited to get to hang out with Christen seeing as most of them haven’t really said more than a couple of words to her outside of practice.

“She normally just keeps to herself,” Kelley explains.

“It’s not that we didn’t want to. She just never seemed interested,” Lauren adds.

“She’s interested,” you said, maybe a little more defensively than you should. “Just because she doesn’t mind being on her own doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be friends.”

Any further discussion is cut off when you hear the front door open.

“Hey Tobin, how did you…”

“Surprise!!” everyone shouts, startling you even though you were ready for it.

It’s unclear if the surprise on her face is of the good or the bad variety.

“I, uh, I wanted to repay you for everything you’ve done,” you try to explain as you hug her. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted and I can’t really buy you anything but I enlisted a little help. None of us want you to be alone.”

She bursts into tears and hugs you tight. The dichotomy of the action makes your head spin and you’re still not quite sure whether or not you did the right thing.

“Those are happy tears right?”

She nods against your shoulder and it means the world to you.  

Kelley doesn’t let the moment last. For the next few hours, twelve at least, Kelley insists, because they have to make it to midnight, you watch your friends and teammates make Christen into a new person. It’s funny, you think, how quickly she opens up and engages when just given a chance. And she’s always beautiful but when she tells a story, talking quickly and gesturing with her hands, you think it’s the prettiest she’s ever been. And then Lauren and Amy make her laugh and she’s somehow gotten prettier.

You take the backburner for a while, just sitting back and watching. You don’t mind not being the focus of her attention for now because you know you get her all to yourself when this is over and because you know that this is what she wants. She never says it out loud but she wants friends and just isn’t quite sure how to go about it. You’re glad that you were able to help her with this at least.

By midnight, you’re struggling to stay awake but Christen is wide awake. She stares at the TV with rapt attention as Kelley bitterly and sarcastically mocks everyone gathered in Times Square. You want to kiss her. You’ve been wanting to kiss her for the last twelve hours but not in front of all your teammates. You don’t want to be that couple. But the countdown gives you a perfectly acceptable reason to kiss someone in public and you aren’t going to squander it.

You have to tug on the back of her shirt five times before she even notices but when she does, she follows without question. Her green eyes are tired but happy and you can only vaguely hear the countdown in the background. When it hits one, you kiss her. It’s hard to put everything you are feeling into the kiss but you try anyway. And maybe Christen feels it because she’s kissing you back just as hard and you never want to let go.

Of course, with your friends mocking you in the background it’s only so long before Christen pulls away laughing and blushing and you can’t help but laugh as well. You lean forward and kiss her on the cheek and it strikes you that there will never be a better time to tell her.

“I love you.”

Her eyes go wide and she doesn’t say anything for long enough that you begin to worry but then her face splits into a grin that makes your heart stutter.

“I love you too.” 

When you kiss her this time, it feels like coming home.


End file.
